FARZ (she/her)
27/SG
definitely not who you think i am
|
"I have come to love myself, for who I am, for who I was, and for who I hope to become.”
- Joon |
Thursday, October 31, 2013
9:40 PM
i don't know what to say, i just really miss you
throwback to the days:
when i had short hair
when the bad hair days were (almost) everyday
when i made horrible fashion choices
when all my clothes were pink
when i refuse to smile with my teeth cause they were ugly
when i didn't know how to form a coherence sentence in malay
when you were the (second) person i looked forward to seeing during raya
when you were still alive
when you were always there for me
hi nenek,
i missed you
i probably never told you how much i love you for being there for me for the 14 years of my life or how (when i was younger and you healthier) you came to baba's house during the weekdays when everybody was at work and busy or how you used to sew my baju kurung or how you were so patient with me even though i was a naughty child by pretending that the dining table was a sea saw or how you always tried to initiate a conversation with me even though i was clueless at malay and gave you nods and single word replies and you tried your best but i didn't
i still remember the day that you passed away i remembered crying i remembered feeling hate towards my sister for not crying i remembered disliking my mom for being so apathetic i remembered the day you passed that morning i was going for malay class but dad stopped at the lift lobby and took the lift back up and i didn't hear what he said till we were at our door i cried
i still remember the day before you gone it was good friday - a public holiday it was good i remembered that i was wearing a dress it was the blue checkered one i went out with baba and mariah and kakak to have high tea at carousel i visited you in the evening still wearing that dress you were looking so frail and you didn't want to eat you ate a biscuit that was all and some water you were looking so tired i knew you had to go but i didn't know it was that soon
hi nenek
i love you
|
