ok so i got an e-mail from FAS-SEP yesterday and it confirmed that I did not get a place for exchange for Y3S1 and i don't know i was mentally preparing myself for this day when they first emailed me about the waitlist round :') but this part of me (i don't know which part!!!!!!!) just felt that there was a small glimmer of hope of me getting an acceptance letter somehow but.... it didn't happen.

idk i wish they didn't send a generic email that wasn't so impersonal, i wish they didn't bcc all the students who got rejected so maybe i could find someone to cry with - I wish they told me what i lacked i wish they told me what i did wrong in my application i wish they told me what the problem was (i wished i knew how they selected students for sep)

i don't know when i first read the email, i was trying my best to be like "oh ok cool it's expected its ok i dont have to necessarily go for sep it would be nice but i'm broke and i have no money and i don't want to be in debt and it's so much of an administration hassle" idk idk idk idk i was trying to find so much excuse trying not to feel the pain of being rejected

i mean i could apply again for Y3S2 but idk??????? like what i mean i don't think i'm going to write thesis (because i still haven't found my calling yet) and also i don't want to miss puasa + raya in singapore but i'll think about it lah i'll ask Allah what he has in store for me - i mean there must be a reason why i didn't get a spot for sep..... i just wish i knew why