am trying to deep dive into my issues and see how to better live my life and just hope to feel better / honestly need an outlet and i don't really want to burden friends with my problems and feelings /should probably see a therapist but if i can't even be honest to myself - how can i with others? / family never encouraged to share feelings, and even when i did, they were ignored so why not just bottle all my feelings up and prevent the world from hurting me further

1. fatness

the most apparent thing about me - maybe; but i don't want my size or weight to define me 

all for loving myself even though i am larger than most and i take up too much space 

but i just want to be unapologetically me 

know family fat-shames me out of "care" but my self-esteem is dented

"o she's just shy, quiet" - or maybe i just don't want to draw more attention to myself than my size already has 

somedays i feel pretty, somedays i feel like a slob

regardless of what i'm feeling, my fatness is constant 

so why do you make it feel like i'm not allowed to be happy as long as i'm fat?

how do i try to live the best life 

without you bringing me down? 

stop attacking me with the 'f' word, please

2. family/god
"orang tua cakap mesti dengar" i may listen but i may not follow through because i have agency as an individual
not your property or your doll

i want to love family wholeheartedly but sometimes its really suffocating
is it really home - because it feels like a place of residence

it's full of stuff, but no thing can plug the emptiness

i still in believe god /pls don't get your panties in a twist/ i just don't like when you use god as an excuse to justify things

like pls

3. future/getting a job
am i still a fresh graduate or am i stale and mouldy already - i don't know, interviews give me anxiety and i just can't sell myself and i'm just a mess

will i even be hired

job search gives me a headache

my future is bleak

i really don't want to deal with DI anymore