hola
i decided i needed change
honestly i feel like a foreigner in my own land
all i want to do now is to pound down the streets of singapore with my own two feet
i have never seen the merlion up close (not that i can remember it), never been to jurong bird park, night safari or the discovery center
never been to a single museum for that matter
and all i want to be now is a tourist in my homeland
explore the whole of singapore with a map and camera in hand
am i even singaporean if i dont know where everything is

everything is changing
but i still remember it like yesterday
no idea why i still hold on to that little bit of the past
when it does me no good

i should visit more libraries to soak up the atmosphere
i remember going to the library almost every other weekend
as a child
what happened
growing up i guess
i dont want to grow up and face reality
i dont want to grow old and eventually die
i just want to stay young forever

i remembered when i was younger
people always said that after you die
you either go to heaven or hell
then i always felt that life was a game that i was playing
it felt so surreal
i had no idea if i was alive if i was even real
maybe it felt like it was all just a dream
maybe now is the nightmare

sigh i said i would sleep early because i am exhausted, but i cant seem to fall asleep
but i love sleep
it comes second after food
i should probably study if i cant sleep
maybe do amaths or chemistry
yay o levels in 130+++++ days


its been awfully long since i posted here
and its been awfully long since everything
and my cat (almost) clawed me today
ok not really but i have no vocabulary to describe my cats behaviour
so
it hurt
not my hand
not my heart
but my head

i miss japan and the cold
i miss disneyland
i wish singapore had disneyland
so if i wanted to bunk off school
i would probably head over to disneyland
keep dreaming i guess

i am broke
finacially
money is the medium of exchange
money is the standard for deferred payment
money is a unit of account
money is a store of value
but i have no money
and i really need to revise econs
and everything else

i feel inadequate mostly
but when i feel good enough
its like euphoria on a high

after o levels
i will take out my grandfathers typewriter from the store room
and type something with it

i remember when i was young
i  had my grandfather telling me bedtime stories
about the past
and now
im all alone
a new day in 3 minutes
goodnight

sayonara

Labels: personal