(actually i fell asleep after that first line cause i am really exhausted from work and from monthly womanly pains and from thinking)

So here I am, weighing my options. I have told a total of probably like five people of all the offers I have received from NUS, NTU and SMU (out of the five, may I add that two are actually strangers). I should really count my blessings that I still have a choice (or in fact being overwhelmed with it), when I know there are other people out there, who probably didn't get the choice of course that they want. I have to thank Allah for watching over me and being so forgiving (despite all the wrongs that I have done/am doing) because I managed to get offers from courses of my first choice :') I really am very very very thankful, but this has also made me very very uncertain about what to choose.

Lets start from the very beginning shall we.

I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. (Let me just get this out there first.)

I don't have a clear ambition, I have absolutely no clue of what I want to be. (I sort of giving up being a vet/dentist after realising that I have no affinity with science, especially chemistry and the possibilities of me becoming anything that is science related diminished when I took Arts in JC)

I am not an outstanding student, and my Alevel grades were mediocre, and borderline at best. So I'm very thankful that whoever was dealing with undergraduate admissions had to pore through my shitty application, and then decided that maybe I was a risk worth taking (I seriously am not.)

so the first offer I got was from SMU School of Social Science - I didn't spend much time at their open house, but I did pop by their booth and got clarifications about the school as a whole from a friendly girl. so yes, I'll admit that I really like the location of the school. It's near Bras Basah/Dhoby Ghaut - which to me is still quite east - and the school is still pretty new because of its modern design. Its literally in the heart of the city, and the heart of the city never grows old right? When I went for their interview (I REALLY DIDN'T KNOW THEY HAD INTERVIEWS FOR SHORTLISTED APPLICANTS I SWEAR I DIDN'T UNTIL SIDRA TOLD ME) like this very kind senior provided me with directions to the visitor's gate, even though she was probably rushing somewhere (such people give me hope in life). The professor were really friendly and nice, so the casual not so formal setting helped. (The professors are part of the reason why I felt more inclined to go to SMU to be honest, because I don't want to be afraid of asking or speaking up in class.) But SMU fees are more expensive compared to the other 2 universities (And probably will be more with the latest fee hike - $100 is still money okay??) But there's no hall, so I guess expenses will be lesser maybe, seeing how I'll spend some part of my day at home. Also the fact that I only have to declare by major at the end of year 1 allows me to explore the 3 subjects that SMU SOSS has to offer - psychology, sociology and political science - but I'm more inclined to psychology so. Also the flexibility that SMU has in allowing me to take a double major from any school without looking at GPA (has both pros and cons ah - I will either excel in it or fail to cope). I haven't received the admission packet yet, but SMU is probably the only university who has been constantly sending me emails and letters - it makes me feel very loved and unforgotten :') (Update: I have received their admission box and it's really pretty)

the next offer I got was from NUS FASS - I was pining for NUS to accept me for like weeks so when they did I was in shock. I actually enjoyed the open house which I went with Winnie - like the whole school, and its vibrancy. The geography majors and psychology majors that I talked to were really nice :') I just pretty like the whole vibe NUS gave me, and it did help that I saw a certain somebody HAHA. The only thing that's making me hesitate from accepting their offer is the hall issue. Probably this 5 months working has taught me to realise how lucky I am, because other people are barely getting by while I work just to earn some extra money (my parents still give me some pocket money occasionally). I have been paying my phone bills for the past three months and my heart (and wallet) hurts when I hand over the money to the person at the counter at singpost. Sorry for sidetracking, but hall in NUS is pretty much expensive and I don't know. There's comfort in familiarity, I suppose and as much as I sometimes dread being home, I really like just lazing around at home.  I actually pretty like how FASS allows me to take exposure modules from a wide variety of subjects?? So I don't actually dive head first into a major and plunge to death.

I actually wrote off NTU because I went to their open house, and I just didn't feel any connection to it. But NTU offered me a spot in WKWSCI (yes it's my first choice) and I just don't know. WKWSCI is pretty much the best course in Singapore/Asia for communication studies, I read fiona seah's post on wkwsci, and she wrote and i quote "you definitely need to possess 2 sets of IMPORTANT skills in order to be considered, regardless of the specialisation you intend to pursue. They are writing AND public speaking. If you don’t have these skills, CS is probably not the course for you" - basically can you write and speak well - I honestly believe that I can't and it honestly depends on the situation. but sigh, i actually really like the media and all (despite the fact that reading newspapers makes me hella sad cause like the news is sad). On hindsight, I should have went for the communication studies talk and not mechanical and aerospace engineering talk HAH. oh well. But it just scares me seeing how I have to build my portfolio in the short 4 years, also am i probably able to cope with what seems like a whole lot of projects, some which involve designing, editing videos. I have problems using photoshop without making something looking warped and shit. NTU tho is pretty near to the cemetery, which means that its easier for me to visit ahbib and nenek. But its just so far away from every god damn thing because it is called pulau ntu for a reason.

(jk i'm kidding)