FARZ (she/her)
27/SG
definitely not who you think i am


"I have come to love myself, for who I am, for who I was, and for who I hope to become.”

- Joon

Friday, October 18, 2019 3:21 PM
reminder:

clearing and reorganising stuff in my laptop and found this gem - why do other people believe in me more than I believe in myself? do i really have a (potentially) creative part? can i really change the world? does my life really have worth?

consumed with (fear) 




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Tuesday, December 2, 2014 8:32 PM
what i want
1.  Laptop sleeve (to protect jack)
2. black shoes (for work but more for myself tho)




3. 2015 planner (sworn to be more organized)



tbh i want a lot of things.............................................. but sigh tales of a broke kid (i'm still waiting for my rich husband to come and sweep me off my feet so i can live the life of a taitai JOKE independent young woman full of character and grace is here) but you all can get me things for christmas i've been a good girl santa (if anybody wants to get me anything please feel free to contact me and i'll give you my full wish of things i want but maybe not need)

on a side note i checked my mail today and i had this burst of happiness but then i realised something so nevermind...

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Monday, April 14, 2014 9:33 PM
we will always be about to destroy each other
b for best
b for baik
b for bullshit
b for bastard
b for bitter

why not?

decided to not force my body out of bed because 

i wanted to run

                            run far far away

somewhere real                               
                                                                        far
far from grades and homework

away from shitty boys and fake 'hi's

i needed a break

from heartbreak



d got an a like wow congrats guess what subject you'll get another a in - how to be an asshole
on another note i got back my mct results and let's just say they won't make you go
"wow fantastic baby"

i have nobody to blame for my shitty grades except me and i am sorry that i am a shit person that i can't live up to anybody's expectation cause all i will ever hand to them is shit maybe this is a lesson to not have any hopes on me unless they want shit in exchange

this is a wake up call
this is my wake up call
this is gonna be the only b you're gonna get in your life farzana
so pull yourself and get your shit together

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Monday, November 4, 2013 9:24 PM
how to feel better and become better
1. If you like someone, wait.
2. Give lots of compliments, even if you’re shy. Everyone else is too.
3. Change. Get a haircut, try new perfume, get new sheets. Become better than you were before.
4. Eat healthier. Learn to cook something fancy.
5. Get up earlier and watch the sun come up.
6. Wear soft clothes, take a bath, drink something warm.
7. Meet someone new, even just a friend.
8. Become closer with your friends and your family. Call your mother. Cry with your best friend. Tell everyone how much you appreciate them.
9. Keep your room clean. Buy some candles. Let the natural light in.
10. Make a list of reasons why you’ll be better off without them. Believe they are true, because they are.
11. Listen to new music.
12. Write everything you’re thinking and feeling. Write letters. Write happy letters, sad letters, and angry letters, even if you’re never going to send them.
13. It’s okay to be sad, but not forever. Sadness is not as beautiful as music makes it seem. Lack of sleep makes your eyes droopy, not deep. Wake up every morning and tell yourself you’re going to have a good day.
14. Go to the library. Don’t forget to look in the music section.
15. Remove them from your life. Get rid of the things they gave you if they make you sad. They’re not worth it. You will never be happy if you continue to hold on to the things that make you sad.
16. Make new memories.
17. Try to find something to appreciate in everything you do or experience.
18. Being alone is okay, you don’t have to surround yourself with people.
19. Become your own best friend. Buy yourself coffee and drink it alone in a cafe. Take your time.
20. Learn to love every bit of yourself. 
Source: how to feel better and become better

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Tuesday, October 18, 2011 12:27 AM
Feelings that came back are feelings that never went away.
(Why did you have to get yourself into this mess.You really like feeling hurt do you. Why can't you forget all the non important stuff and remember the ones that are. OK FACE IT YOU ARE JUST SO BLOODY ANNOYING, YOU CAN'T ERASE YOUR PAST CAN'T YOU. YOU CAN'T. BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST THAT USELESS. SO FUCKING WEAK. why can't you let go. is it that hard. you can always start again.please stop making it difficult for yourself. nobody thinks about the past anymore, cause they're looking forward to the present. oh god, go and sleep. you're thinkng too much. Oh god bitch you should get a life worth living. You know what, you deserve to feel this way. You're so sad and what not and its all your fault. Aren't you done with this shit. You should go get a hobby. You should do some good to the world. Instead of complaining about your sad life. Its not the end of the world you know and its been so fucking long. why do you like to keep stabbing yourself in the same place over and over again, are you hoping that you'll feel numb one day. Well guess what you wont, cause you're just going to get more heartaches, and waste more tears and time. You can't get back what you lost please understand this.Maybe that time you were blind, so maybe this time you could try searching with eyes wide open. You can deal with this. You are strong enough. You got to move on. ) This is what happens when my brain is in a turmoil. There's nothing wrong with talking to myself ok. Fuck you.

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Wednesday, March 23, 2011 10:13 PM
something was better than nothing
“It’s the worst feeling in the world to love and hate someone all at the same time. And it’s hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same. It’s funny but stupid how you want everything and nothing at the same time. It’s crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on. And when you want to move on, but you’re stuck right where you started. When feelings come and go and you can’t decide what you want. When you have so many things to say but you don’t know where to start. When you want them in your life so bad, but all you can do is push them farther and farther away. It’s so hard to think back to how things used to be and look at it now and realize that things are different and they may never be the same. You tell yourself it’s not worth it, but if it really didn’t matter, you wouldn’t spend so much time thinking about it.”

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Thursday, February 10, 2011 3:03 PM
never is an awfully long time
Dear me, what should i do now? I keep a distance from people to prevent them from getting hurt but instead, it got worse. I don't have the courage to have faith to believe in people, everything anymore. I know i've been hurting everybody who cared for me. I'm sorry, but i got hurt too. Its not that i don't want to believe in you anymore, but its just that i can't make myself to.
Do you know the feeling where you think someone isn't worth caring for and they're gonna leave you just like that after entering? thats when you go to your contacts and press delete. wow gr8 i feel like a fool for believing in you, maybe i didn't understand you so thanks, thank you for making me feel like you were my friend, and leaving me like a fool.

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Monday, January 24, 2011 10:02 PM
Things might just be alright.

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