Hello I'm back.

(Honestly i was never away but lets just pretend i was.)
I feel really terrible about Alevels, i know i didn't do my best or studied my hardest. I did a lot of groundwork with finishing all my notes but i didn't do a whole lot of practice.

And cambridge u lil shit stop with the weird papers.

To a very large extent, I strongly would not want to redo this whole a level journey. 2014's been a shit year but im trying to cope. As much as i promised myself to study real hard this year, it sort of failed post jcts. my grades are improving slowly but surely but im not sure how much improvement i made from prelims/mocks to As to ensure myself a place in university.

People associate me with 'smart' and 'hardworking' but i'm like 'r u guys for real; r u fucking serious' I just don't know.
They say the person that knows you best is yourself.

I promise Allah swt now that i will try my best to be a good muslim and try to fulfil all my obligations (please let me get to university tbh please)

Also in other news, should i remain a poor broke girl with lots of time of my hand or be useful and get a job but have no time to spare. I don't know okay i really want cash cause i like cash. Tbh both aunt and dad offered me jobs and i really don't want to reject either of them (partly beacause i don't know how to say no fml kill me won't you) UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH JUST HELP ME PLEASE

Can't wait for parents to go turkey please leave me alone please get your act together as husband and wife, as parents. (tbh really want to go turkey but ugh sigh just leave me) Honestly very envious of families who are really comfortable with each other??? LIKE I DONT HONESTLY TELL ANYBODY IN MY FAMILY ANYTHING (BAD I KNOW BUT I JUST DON'T) the only person who comes close to me telling any secrets is my sister but she's so moody it honestly depends

really want families where everybody is just so comfortable with everybody else but do families like this even exist?

I had a lot planned for post a levels - but so far its just me, my bed, food, me trying to exercise (i actually sweat and curse the videos on youtubes), tv and that farm game. When i want to leave the house, i actually think twice, thrice, four times about if i should leave the house or not. AS MUCH AS I REALLY WANT TO GO OUT AND EXPLORE SINGAPORE, I FEEL REALLY BAD cause my grandma's always alone at home and i just feel bad and guilty so i end up not going out. She's also been feeling cranky which i get cause she's all by myself. Mom's of no use cause she hardly ever comes down to visit, aunt's busy at work, sister has internship and i don't have my 'I have alevels' excuse, so obviously i have to do my duty.

Tbh, never really thought much about grandparents being at home all by themselves, and never felt guilty about going out with friends and all but ever since grandpa passed away last year, i felt terrible. He passed away when i was out watching a movie with my friends SO I OBVIOUSLY FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT MYSELF. I COULD HAVE STAYED HOME. I'm really frightened about people i love leaving me just like that, when i walk past anybody sleeping, i stop and stare longer, just to make sure that they're breathing, that there still here.

I don't know.

Thank god for my existence tho,

Labels: personal